As i write this on the occasion of Women's day, i have passed a woman sobbing next to a graveyard, a woman trying hard to support her drunk husband while holding onto her kid and a woman riding a bike specially designed for physically disabled people. And this is only 15 minutes into my usual working day. Now i know what is waiting for me next. Minimum 60 women coming to me with the hope of treating their husbands for alcoholism or various other psychiatric disorders. Minimally 5 or 6 of them breaking down in front of me, asking me, if it ever will get better. Everyday when they ask me that i can sense the pain behind that question...The pain behind the tears...Sometimes they don't even express anything. The hardships have taught them that paying attention to emotions is probably useless. For there is no one to listen to them and definitely no one who can change the situation.

If this gives you an impression that i deal with lower socio economic strata and these problems are limited to that strata only ,then let me stop you there. Because I have seen wives of multimillionaires to the wives of doctors, advocates and police officers being beaten, emotionally abused, physically abused and desparately trying to make a sense of it all.

What baffles me about their journey is their sheer strength. How many of us have the courage to care for a husband who snatches away all our earnings, drinks everyday, comes home and starts beating you up? How many of us have the guts to still look after his parents, behave like nothing happened and go on to work the next day? How many of us have the metal to stay in the same house where the relative who sexually abused you also stays? Forget that, how many of us have the physical strength to get up, cook 4 to 5 meals a day, prepare your child for school, show up at work and go home only to repeat the cycle till you finally literally collapse on bed...

If that is not strength i dont know what is.

The other day one of my colleagues was explaining me how the division of labour has been for ages. How women cant do the the works outside and how thats why they contribute by handling the household. I wasnt angry at him. I just exclaimed, "its so funny you would say that sitting right next to a lady doctor." He was left without an answer.

That said nowadays i often see the other side of the picture. What can be called as a burn out, i witness so many women trying so hard to be the perfect daughter, daughter in law, mother, wife and so on, they land up at my doorstep sobbing, trying to tell me how somewhere in all this they have lost their true self!

"I used to be such a cheerful person...Now it has been ages since i met my friends, celebrated my birthday or even been to a parlour...Its all about husband and kids and in laws...And then i ask myself whats the purpose of it all!"

I let them ventilate the frustration and then ask them to take a break...to make that appointment at a spa or a parlour, or call up a friend and meet or just have a good cup of coffee with a break of 15 minutes. Often they land up saying how disastrous it will be considering the kids,the in laws and all. How impossible it is to obtain 15 minutes for themselves. With great effort and negotiations when we finally manage to get them admit they need some rest, some pampering and some time off...they show up after 10 days almost totally improved and ready to take up the challenges again...

So this women's day, not only as a psychiatrist or a doctor but as a working woman i urge you all to try to relax. Tell yourself its ok if your home is messy, if your kitchen is untidy or if you look a little out of place.. Its ok if you dont offer your husband a hot cup of tea or your mom in law feels a little bad you served her just a simple meal. Its all ok. Let the world close for a day or an hour and just relax...And celebrate yourself. Give yourself a pat on your shoulder and say it loudly, i have done good!

Cause you my dear are the force that keeps the world going. You are the smile on your kids face when you make his favt dish, the relief on your husbands face when you offer them a hot water bag to soothe the pain and you are also the person who takes a stitch in the operation theatre that saves a life.

So this women's day, try not to be your usual perfect self!

Just breathe ,relax and repeat!